| Did you ever . . . |
[19 Feb 2004|11:31pm] |
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mood |
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cynically depressed and scared |
] |
Did you ever just want to scream?
Scream until your voice gave out? Scream until your vocal cords shattered? Scream until the only thing left was the sound of your screaming? You had blocked out the rest of the noise in the world, and for one blissful moment you could hear yourself THINK?
That's what I wish I could do. Just for one second I could block out every other noise, and bask in silence.
Of course, silence is not just the absence of sound. One can easily escape sound. Silence is also the absence of noise.
The noises that clutter one's mind. The problems that litter one's life. Especially when these problems aren't even one's own.
I am. I am sick of being the go-to-girl.
This one can't get a boyfriend! Go to Cat, she'll know what to do.
This one thinks she's ugly. Go to Cat, she'll make you feel better.
This one has this, that one has that, all issues arrive at my feet and I have to play Dear Annie and solve their problems for them or at least make them feel better.
What's worse is that whenever I feel low or something upsets me or, hell for that matter, something FANTASTIC happens to me I find myself hiding those feelings so I can help everyone else with their issues.
I am beginning to think that I've forgotten how to feel now. Anger, jealousy, depression, even joy have become something of an illusion to me. I have been beating down my own feelings for so long so that I could help others and make them feel special that I don't even think I can tell my friends when I'm feeling out of sorts any longer. They won't believe it. I've been everybody's rock for so long that I've been smoothed down into paving gravel.
Almost two months ago, I learned that an essay of mine was going to be published in a highly regarded literary magazine. I jumped so high when I found out that my head hit the ceiling. I AM A PUBLISHED AUTHOR. MY ESSAY IS GOING TO BE MASS PRODUCED! And I doubt that any of my friends, except one knows about it.
No one gets it, do they? Everyone thinks their life is so hard. Well, so is MINE. While you all flit about your daily lives, complaining about god knows what, I don't have the BLOODY ENERGY TO COMPLAIN! You know why? I'll tell you WHY! Because last week I spent from 2:30 to 11 PM working on one bloody two and a half page essay! WHY? Because, in addition to doing my own paper, I had edit three other people's papers because I AM TOO DAMN NICE TO SAY NO. And I want to SCREAM.
I'm sick of being the nice girl! I want to be the girl crying in the corner about how much my life sucks because it does. My life is no easier than yours, so guess what? If I can put on a bloody happy face and help you deal with your problems, then you can care about mine. I'm just too good of an actress for you, apparently, because I am dying inside right now. I am scared witless. AND YOU DON'T HAVE A CLUE!
Oh well, back the other seven IM boxes and their problems. Dr. Cat, for 5 cents for consoling. True honesty, love, and friendship at rock-bottom, selfless prices.
CONFESSION:
The last two paragraphs in this entry is the only one in which I did not delete a shred of emotion. And I feel awful about it. Forget this whole thing was ever read. Your life is probably much more interesting anyway . . .
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| A (Lame) Yearly Review |
[31 Dec 2003|02:53am] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
] |
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music |
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Two Worlds--Phil Collins |
] |
As the old year draws to a close, and the next is about to begin, we come together to hear UW's yearly review. (If everyone else is doing, why shan't I?)
The Good:
I have amazing friends who I wouldn't trade for anything.
Everyone one is happy and healthy.
The OotP finally came out.
Life is finally starting to settle down so I can find time to write, chat, and run in circles.
And'03 has even brought a string of great movies!
The Not-So-Good:
I still have a couple stories to dust off and finish, but procrastination be thy art.
Denial is a lovely place to set up camp. 'Nuff said on that subject.
And finally, the Shout Outs:
Kristen: My kindred spirit! Without you I have no idea what I would be doing. (I actually fear to think about what my life would be like without you in it.) You're my best friend, my rock, and my Hobbit. ;) See ya in '04, Runtlet!
Melissa: Where to begin? Hmm, there are so many 'interesting' things I could say, but I think this sums it up: Mathie and her Rudy-s have taken over my bed. ~Cathy.
Mandy: Hey, how's my crazy couz doing? Working for the Mouse is demanding, but I know you'll rise to the challenge. You always do. :) It was awesome meeting you in person this summer, and hopefully I'll see you again in Summer of '04. Serious Sirius fans have to unite, after all. I promise we'll finish up them up next year if we have to work for a weekend straight. (You know what I'm talking about.) But for now, loff ya and have yourself a Goofy New Year! :^D
Anne: Anner, Anner, Anner. The only thing I have to say is: Can I borrow $ 1.50 for extra cheese?
Kerri: You're to greatest P-pal a girl could wish for! SS and CA 4 forever. Wait, lemme guess, You LOVE Charlie!
FAP: Wacky, wild, and never quite on (or off)-topic. The internet would a boring place without you guys.
School Gang: Corny as it sounds, together we can do just about anything from study jams to planning table parties. Hold it, what about mid-terms? AH!
Track Crew: No matter the workout, the mileage, or the early morning meets, we can always count each other to waiting at the finish line, cheering our lungs out. Remember, hills are our friends.
So, there you have it! My yearly review. Short, sweet, and right to the point.
Here's to 2003! You were a great 12 months.
Welcome 2004! Let the good times roll! And how many more days until June 4th?
Faithfully yours,
The Unicorn Whisperer
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| Randomness |
[29 Aug 2003|08:57pm] |
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We will all die in over-achiever hell, and we're bringing the book reports down with us.
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[24 Aug 2003|09:40pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
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music |
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Hymn to the Sea |
] |
First order of business:
Second order of business:
Book reports are annoying.
That is all.
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| Getting Away From It All |
[24 Jul 2003|02:15am] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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Why Should I Worry?-- Billy Joel |
] |
This time tomorrow, I will be . . . asleep. Hopefully. But two hours from this time tomorrow I will be on my way to the airport for eight days at Disney World. W00t! Sun, fun, sunburn. And I AM MEETING MANDY! Mandy aka sweets is an online friend of mine and I cannot wait to meet her.
Promptly upon my return, I head out to the Hamptons for another week with my two friends Anne and Kerri along with Anne's family.
*grins*
This is going to rather enjoyable.
See you all in two weeks!
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| Boys are Back in Town |
[12 Jul 2003|01:36pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
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music |
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The Boys Are Back in Town= Thin Lizzy |
] |
Since I am stubborn, and because I firmly believe that if it not for the little things like school getting more or less in the way this would have been finished by now, I have chosen to continue Fading Star. I am keeping the plot as I have all along. The OOTP actually went along amazingly well with what I was planning, but there was one little snag. I am going to have to gloss over said snag because the glossing is vital to the plot. (As you will see shortly) So without further ado I present:
Fading Star--Chapter 4: Thy Kingdom Come
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| The Stolen Survey |
[28 Jun 2003|01:26am] |
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mood |
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geeky |
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music |
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Desperado- The Eagles |
] |
------------------Info---------------
Date: June 28, 2003
Starting Time: 1:26 A.M.
Birth Date: December 21, 1986
Name: UW (since I know my stalkers are out there! ;) )
Age: 16
Color of eyes: Blue
Hair color: Reddish-brown
Height: 5'9''
Shoe Size: 9
Brothers/Sisters: Nada
Whenz ur bed time: Whenever I am bellowed at to
---------------HAVE YOU EVER---------
Ever been so drunk you blacked out : Nope
Put a body part on fire for amusement: Not yet
Been in a car accident: Loads of times
Been hurt emotionally: Uh huh
Ever had an imaginary friend: I still do.
Wanted to hook up with a friend: *shifty eyes*
Cried during a Movie: I hate to admit this but yes
Had a crush on a teacher: Naaah
Cut your hair: Yes
Been sarcastic: Hmm . . . *thinks* Naaaaah ;)
Have you ever did something wrong and not tell anyone: Story of my life
-----------------FAVORITES-------------
Shampoo Right now: Er, I have no idea
Color: Blue, black and red
Day/Night: Night
Summer/Winter/Spring/Fall: Winter and Summer
Cartoon Characters: Belle from 'Beauty and the Beast' and Doug (the Nick Doug!)
Fave Ice Cream: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
Fave Subject: English
Fave Drink: Iced tea
Memory: Hmm . . . anytime I'm goofing off with Kristen and as geeky as this sounds but the very first time I read the PoA. It has been a very vivid one.
-----------------RIGHT NOW-------------
Wearing: Blue Eagles shirt from my school's concert, black mesh shorts, my anklet and my star necklace.
Eating: Nothing
Drinking: Nothing
Thinking about: My next line in this story I'm writing to Kristen will be
Listening to: Eagles- Desperado
Talking to: Krissy
Watching: My purdy computer screen
Feeling: Day-dreamy.
-----------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS-------------
Dream: Yep
Cried: Nope
Worn a skirt: *laughs* Er, not in school any longer
Done laundry: *is a bump on a log*
Drove a car: No
----------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------------
Yourself: If I don't then who will?
Friends: Yes *glomps every single one of them*
Tooth Fairy: Sure, but I do have some complaints about my teeth.
Santa: Everyone needs something to believe in
Destiny/Fate: YES!
Angels: Sometimes, but remember AHA may have angels, but IHA has God
Ghosts: Totally
----------------FRIENDS AND LIFE----------------
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: A fictional one
Who do you like right now?: No one really, although I do have this long-standing crush on a fictional character . . .
Who's the weirdest?: I think we all have a bit of abnormality about us that makes us get along so well
Who's the craziest?: Oh, gosh, probably me because I do tend to blurt out random facts
Who do you go to for advice?: Kris, Mandy, or my mom
Who do you think about most when you're not online?: My muse and when he's going to wake up.
Where are your friends right now: Oy, erm, Kris is in her basement at her computer, Melissa is probably at her compie as well, Anne and Kerri are sleeping in Kerri's bedroom upstate and Mandy is probably sleeping as well
Who do you cry with: Usually myself and sometimes Kristen or Mandy
What's the best feeling in the world: Joking with my friends, knowing that one day I will be hanging out in person with Kris, horseback riding, running through a sprinkler while doing milage, and, of course, that wild feeling of energy whenever you realize that you have the most amazing plot bunny.
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| Books affect us on a much greater level than anything else |
[22 Jun 2003|01:58pm] |
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It's ironic how a person can see a thousand death scenes in movies and television shows and not bat an eyelash, but when they read it in a book they find themselves staining the pages with tears.
Sometime early this morning I closed the 870 page tome, my emotions mirroring Harry's. I feel as though there is a gaping hole. Somewhere deep inside of me. And a simple explanation cannot yet fill it. Like Harry, the next two books will be in a separate world for me. A world without him. And yet, I don't think that he's completely gone yet. He'll never be totally gone. Somewhere, somehow, he'll crop back up again whether it be in a photo or something that he has left for Harry 'just in case' because he did leave doing what he set out to do, saving Harry.
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| Boredom results in surveys |
[21 Apr 2003|01:58pm] |
I "borrowed" this from EssenceofMagic who was "lended" it by Wolfie and I'm filling it out while waiting for Kris to get her butt on line. Move it, girly!
1.WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? We have several sets, some have flowers with green rings, some just have green rings, some are plain old white and then we have the silver snack bowls that double as plates.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? The Wyrd Sisters and the Hogfather by Terry Pratchett, The Earth trilogy by Pearl S. Buck, and the Secret Sacrament by Sherryl Jordan.
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Sometimes my Hogwarts one.
4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Clue
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Mad (All hail Mad!)
6. FAVORITE SMELL? Stable
7. LEAST FAVORITE SMELL? the smell of a new school year
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? I wanna go back to sleep
9. FAVORITE COLOUR?Black, Blue, blood red.
10. LEAST FAVORITE COLOUR? Pink
11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Once, twice, however long it takes me to decide on which accent to use on the telemarketer
12. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? Who said I was having kids?!
13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? A good night's sleep
14. OF ALL THE POSSIBLE CIRCLES OF HELL, WHICH ARE YOU MOST LIKELY TO BE
ASSIGNED TO? The one where people use incorrect grammar constantly.
15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate!
16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Of course
17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? My raggy old Eeyore
18. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? Cool!
19. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? Probably the one right outside
20. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE? Krissy, Douglas Adams, and my dad would be kinda nice
21. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Mudslide
22. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN & YOUR BIRTHDAY? December 21, 1986 & Sag.
23. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? What else is there to eat?
24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE? Author
25. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY HAIR COLOR WHAT WOULD IT BE? Really really bright red
26. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE? I plead the 5th
27. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? Full
28. FAVORITE MOVIE? Indiana Jones
29. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? *repositions fingers* Now I do! ;)
30. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? Do you really wanna know?
31. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 5, it's my basketball number
32. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Basketball, any kind of horseback riding, baseball, etc.
33. WHAT IS YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST FEAR? Losing my imagination
34. FAVORITE SONG? Currently, Bring My to Life - Evanescence
35. FAVORITE TV SHOWS? Gilmore Girls, Friends, Frasier, Angel
36. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD? Ketchup. <3
37. HAMBURGERS OR HOTDOGS? Hamburgers.
38. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Brisk
39. THE BEST PLACES YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? This stable in upstate NY where I got to horseback ride for as long as I liked
40. WHAT SCREEN SAVER IS ON YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW? The skipping Windows XP logo
41. BURGER KING OR MCDONALDS? Burger King
42. DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE RIGHT NOW THAT YOU COULD FALL IN LOVE WITH? Of course, but then again, he's a fictional character
43. WHAT DID YOU DO YESTERDAY? Ate chocolate, read, worked on Fading Star, talked to Krissy, ran, played with my dog, and slept
44. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD? Pizza.
45. WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 20 YEARS? In front of a computer screen
46. IF YOU HAD THE CHOICE OF ANY SUPERHERO POWER TO POSSESS, WHAT WOULD
IT BE? Fly
47. WHAT'S THE WEIRDEST DREAM YOU'VE EVER HAD? Too many to count
48. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE CLASSICAL COMPOSER? Mozart
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| This was a reason |
[18 Feb 2003|10:12pm] |
There was a reason why I never wanted to put my picture up. Thanks to essenceofmagic you can see why:
Comment away.
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| Well, the Time Has Come |
[16 Feb 2003|11:35pm] |
Ladies and gents,
The time has come for my to post my picture. I have found one on the internet and I shall share it with you.
Comments welcome!
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| The Whisperers |
[15 Feb 2003|03:24pm] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
] |
I see people pass by me everyday. Their manners, their voices, their words come into my head and are shut away in a jar. A jar filled with others. For you see, I am a collector. A collector of funny words, interesting names, strange quotes, and cultured tongues.
In my lap sits a slim volume covered in stickers and doodles. It isn't special to anyone else but me. No one would have anything to gain from it but me. Nothing in here will help you pass a test or get a date. Nothing in here will make you run faster, work harder or sing better. All that is in here are words. Short, scribbled, chicken-scratched lines. Many spelled incorrectly. Punctuation is non-existent. All it is words. But then again, a world can be made of nothing but words.
I admit as I sit huddled in this corner, my back pressed up against the cold concrete wall that I am odd. I have given up on try to act as if I'm not. Whoever and wherever you are look around you, right now. Do you see anyone who is holding a book to their breast as if it was their child? Anyone whose head is bent over a worn cover? Tell me one person who is sitting down with a distant look in their eyes and their teeth gnawing on a pen. I dare you.
If you do see that person, you are bound to stare at them for a moment or two. You look away when they raise their head. Once you have looked away, they put an arm around the book protecting it. How do I know this? You see, I am that person. I am the one who chews pen caps, and has a closet full of notebooks. Notebooks with lines that one day will be printed up in thousands. And I am not alone. There are thousands of me, walking the streets everyday. You may have seen one or two but it is hard to tell. We don't like to make ourselves well known. We don't shout it from rooftops or tell our close ones out-right. We can't do that. We fear it. We fear the questions that will come if we tell them. We know the questions and you never take our answers the first time they come. But one day soon, when you are not excepting it, we will emerge. We shan't shout, cry or scream it. But you will hear it if it is only but a whisper.
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| Sometimes . . . |
[31 Jan 2003|08:42pm] |
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mood |
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 pensive |
] |
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music |
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I've Been Kissed by a Rose-- Seal |
] |
Sometimes it feels as if I'm fighting a losing battle. Everyone around me has allowed the wool to be pulled over their eyes and to become set in their ways. It's either that they are unwilling to try a new thing because of some silly rule, convinced that they cannot do something, or bordering on legalism.
I feel trapped in a world of gray, like an old movie and I am the only one in technicolor. Stuck in this world of shadow, holding the only flashlight. And running from it.
I never feel safe from the shadow so I keep moving. I always have another world with me that I can slip into, a world where the shadow has not yet come.
Then I look at those that it has consumed, and try to lead them back but it is too late. They are stubborn. Refusing to even hear what I have to say, happy to be one of the Gray.
Or . . . maybe it is that I am stubborn. Too stubborn to conform, to give in, to allow myself to be captured. I cannot see the beyond the haze that surrounds the shadow. Is there a world within the gloom that my colorful vision does not allowed me to see? Has my nose finally turned to the color of parchment from being shoved so much into the leaves of aged books that teem with fantastical creatures? Or have I just ignored something that those who do not look beyond the plain brown cover of the world I clasp in my hand see as clear as day? Do I even belong in this world of 9 to 5s and business suits?
Do you?
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| A Bit About Birthdays |
[22 Dec 2002|03:05pm] |
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mood |
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 enthralled |
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music |
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Gollum's Song-- The Two Towers Soundtrack |
] |
Many people celebrate their birthdays at parties, amusement parks or if they're lucky, rock concerts. I, on the other hand, spent mine (12/21) in a bus, in a gym, in another bus, in a car, a restaurant and in, finally, a movie theater.
My first encounter with a bus occurred at 10:30 AM, where my friend Anne and I were squeezed into a forty seater bus on the way to our first track meet along with the 48 other members of the track team. I bid a fond farewell to the on-board lavotory that I had been squashed against when we reached the place where our meet was being hosted, two hours later.
I must admit one thing, and by admitting this one thing I will be showing you the very snowflake that sent my birthday into motion. I have never been to a track meet before. Anne, who was not running but came along for the ride, put it best as, "This is an endless string of madness."
I took Anne's comment in stride and continued chugging water after my heat. Two hours later, I began to understand what she meant. It was nearly five, and we still had two races left. Five being to time in which we told my mother to pick us up at our school to go to the movies along with several other of our friends. Five also being the time in which we had thought enough to pick up our non-track running friends and get to the 7:15 showing of the Two Towers on time. Alerting everyone of our "situation" became something of a nightmare since neither of us own a cell phone. After borrowing two, we made a fury of phone calls telling everyone about what had happened. Explaining what a track meet is to my grandmother and the concept of it not being over yet is easier said than done.
Once the meet had ended, we were all too happy to return to our bus in which all of us could now sit since many people had their parents pick them up after their race was over. Sadly, our forty seater had been traded in for the Tart Cart.
The Tart Cart is, as you may be wondering, on of those bright yellow school buses with my school's name painted on the side in black bold letters. It sat ten, we had twenty. Foshes and Sophes hit the floor.
After an uncomfortable ride back to the school, Anne and I sprinted to my mom's car and nearly fainted when we saw the time. 7:10. But my mom being who she is, called ahead and had reserved us seats to the 10:15 show. So we could eat first then watch lovely hobbits. As we drove to pick our friends up who were also coming, Anne and I changed from our track clothes to our street clothes in the car while alerting everyone the exact distance we were from their house via my mom's cell phone.
After collecting my friends, we drove to Applebee's where among the "Happy Birthday" singing, we asked why did they only have apples on their plates. We still think they're prejudice against bees.
As the clock struck ten, all our rushing, running, and singing had been worth it as we were once again sucked into Tolkien's world.
When the movie ended and we were quickly planning to see it again, we happened to notice the amount of messages on Mom's cell. I guess my friends'parents forgot that I had told them it was a three hour movie. Not that we cared of course, trying to see who could imitate Gollum best was too much fun.
Not a bad birthday at all in my opinion. And I did get free chocolate cake. ;)
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| Oh dear . . . |
[07 Dec 2002|06:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 rushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The bird tweeting outside. There's alway an odd one . . . |
] |
Due Monday:
English AP: 3 Paragraph Essay for Controversial Book Intro, full MLA format. 25% of grade
Vocabulary Cul. test, units 1-12
Vocabulary Units 13-14 plus review sheets
Help edit myth for EC
Computer II: Test and research for project. Must get A back! Curse previous test score.
Geometry: Quiz (Grr . . .)
Religion: Second 5 questions due. Full essay format
Study: Go to library, research for lab and study for Spanish II H test and Latin quiz
Track Practice: Running through the snow, in soaked Nikes, through the fields we go, freezing all the way . . .
Due Tues:
Latin: Quiz
Bio II H: Turn in lab
E. C.
Be prepared for quiz
Geo: Get quiz back (most likely) Await fate.
English: Work on reading journal, get grades back. Await fate.
Spanish II H: Take quiz. PRAY!
Track Practice: We groan a running song tonight . . .
Meeble . . .
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| On the subject of My Mother, the Creator |
[05 Dec 2002|10:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 giggly |
] |
Melissa: I remember *sniffles* the first time I heard of the creator...
Melissa: She had made a oragami frog and was sliding it down the railing....she put glitter on it
Melissa: *sniffles*
Melissa: **blows nose into hankerchief**
Melissa: Now....now she's making fat rudy's
Melissa: *wipes tear away*
Melissa: all I want for christmas is an oragami frog...
Me: my mom could make one for you !
Melissa: but what if it has a weight problem ;-)
Me: that might affect the postage
Melissa: excellent point
Melissa: WEll, I want one with glitter that I can slide down some railing!
Melissa: That way I can be as cool as The Creator!
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unicornwhisp's journal
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